Emoticon Theater 13

There. Finished. I don’t care how long your name is, you’re not getting in here, Hannah. This studio is as secure as a bank vault. Which… is a poor analogy considering most of Fable’s money was stolen. Yo, Alex! Come in! The door’s open! Like heck it is! You sure you’ve got enough door chains on this one? Oops! Sorry. I’m testing out my newly patented Tanuki Prevention System. Everyone who passes through here has to come up green in the TPS report. What in the known worlds are you building in here? This part’s the airlock. Where… and this is crucial, we perform the Rabbit Verification Test. … Okay? Question one. What is the real Kona’s favorite food? Roast veggies. I dunno. That’s not what I have on my sheet here. I know my favorite food… I don’t think you do, Possibly Hannah. Screwing up the very first question lowers my confidence rating to about… 66%. Is that a shock baton?! What’s that? Getting nervous? Innocent people have nothing to fear, Possibly Hannah. Fine. Uh… Chocolate bars? There we go! Now can you take a look at these pictures and tell me which ones have a bridge in them? I need to make sure you’re not just guessing. I will strike you. Okay, I think after that we can move onto the next question! “Kona, when you play the piano accordion, where do you like to play it? And who comes to listen?” -starim That… sounds like the interview question. And it’s something only Kona could know! You had a rough time last question, so I’ll let this silliness slide. sigh Hard for me to talk about the piano accordion without tearing up just a little. When I travel on the train, sometimes I’m all alone and I itch to play. But there’s something about playing all by yourself that feels wrong. I imagine my music to be the backdrop of a happy time, something beautiful and memorable. And then when there are people on the train, they give you such looks… Like “aren’t you the one flying this thing?” They’d rather talk among themselves, I reckon. Understandable. But who listens to your music? I busk from time to time in the stations I visit. Sometimes it’s not clear who I’m supposed to pick up, like when Sandy was running late and didn’t know she had a ticket. So whenever I blast out of the black and feel the wheels meet the tracks, the next place I look is right up into the sky. If it’s a warm sunny day, nine times outta ten I’m gonna fill the air with the voice o’ angels. I remember you saying you loved the sound of it. Do others tend to agree? I doubt anyone appreciates it as much as I do. But sometimes I’ll get the mood just right and my case fills right up with tips. Maybe some of them are just tipping because they hear my stomach. Sometimes I goof and need a bit of money on the other end to eat. Uuuuh. What? Why? Because a growing bunny needs to eat? No, I mean… Why not just fill the train up with supplies on this end? Ahaha… Oh, alright. I’ll just go over and pay Maxine for supplies. Why didn’t I think of- Ooooh. I don’t have a job. Like, at all? Mmmhmm. I love living free, Alex. I’m not putting in 9 to 5 for anyone. Even if it takes me a lot of time, I’d rather not give away a third of my life for some coins. I do take some of my own food on the train, but sometimes the garden doesn’t give me everything I need, you know? Maybe the cafe can give you something… Oh and Sandy would, too! But that’s called begging. I’d rather just sell people a song. Which brings me back to the point. I’ve played all the way from Gossamer county to Neon City. And sang my heart out from Bethellium to what I think was outer space! I have so many different currencies in the train I probably could scrape by anywhere. Plus, I have more than a few tricks. Would you be willing to share any? Well, one of my favorites is that you can sneak a shower in a truck stop if you go out far enough. And there’s always the coast, too. I love it when the cops in Fawnamere try to write me up for it too. “You can’t do that!”, “Ma’am, that’s a fountain!”, “Here’s a piece of paper that says you owe us money!” Haw haw. Sorry, buddy. I have a train to catch. …! Still there? Sorry… I was just imagining that. My favorite is when I stop in Gossamer, though. You can get free pizzas if you’re homeless. Kona! What are you crying about? I am! I swear, half of the drawers in the Escapade are full of complimentary napkins and ketchup packets. Anywho… There’s this pizza restaurant named BiggSlice that gives them to me. They like me coming around, I promise, and they ask that I play for the customers. And unlike the cops, you need to listen to a pack of giant tigresses when they tell you what your pizza costs, you catch my drift? Crystal clear. And I believe that’s all the time we have. I can now say with 82% confidence that you’re the real Kona and I thank you for your time. So here’s your cleared TPS report and I now must escort you from the building. Where’s the cover sheet? Cover sheet? Did I miss a memo?! And there he goes. Thanks for tuning in and asking questions every month. Means a lot to us. Here’s hoping I get to play for you some time. Catch you later!