Kona’s Mail Bag 4

Look at all this maaaaaaaaaail! Oh I know. Ask my back how much mail there is. Man, it feels like forever since we opened the mail together. Over a year. I wish it was more often, though. Why did we stop for so long? Ooooh, I dunno. Maybe it’s because you got all the letters? Bleh. Still, yeah. Let’s ask folks if they’d like us to bring this back. What can it hurt? How’s the beach in Fable? Step. Aside. I’ve got this one. We have a lot of beaches in Fable and I’ve probably slept on every single bit of it by now. The beaches are thin and the waves aren’t that high. So it’s like every spot is a nice, personal space cut out of the world just for you. It’s so peaceful there. It only gets crowded after work, which means I have a lot of time to just push my toes through the sand and listen to the waves until I fall asleep. Jealous? Sure. But I think I’d be more jealous of the people getting paid back in town. You are saving for retirement, right? I found a silver piece in the sand once. I see. Sandy, what kinds of books are you reading now that you’re here in Fable? All kinds! Even in just that tiny bookshop back home, they had more there than I’d get to in years. Fable has a much larger bookstore, so now I think I’m set for life. And Kona sometimes does deliveries for that place! I’m thrilled. Reading comics helps me relax so much… I’m going to start drawing my own, too. I’ve got so many ideas! And you can handle that with your full-time job? Sure. How hard can it be? Hooboy… Better grab that next one. Mayor Snow Puff, have you ever successfully suplexed anyone? How… specific! Well, have you? Specific yes or no questions are murder for politicians, Miko. I’m afraid I can neither confirm or deny being part of a wrestling team in highschool. And I’m afraid whether or not I mastered the art of suplexing someone mid hop will have to remain ambiguous. Wow… I can almost vaguely picture that, kinda. And that’s as good as you’re going to get it, unless actual pictures surface of a masked rabbit showing people what happens when they puff around and find out. Then we shall deal with that news cycle when it comes. Oral capacity measured in oreos? Four. Six! Heh… Pssh… Just say it. Ten. Are you girls even trying? Gross… Do you break them all up or something? Oh man. You didn’t say that. We just found a new contest category! Jill, how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Less than me. I’m afraid trees to Jill are Oreos to me. Hmmph. Could you imagine if she was a woodchuck, though? What makes them any better at it? The whole question is how much wood could they chuck if they could do it at all! I’m literally chucking wood every day! So… you’re a woodchuck. More like a woodchuck-er. Thank you, Miko. For a second I was having a crisis. To mayor Snow Puff, are you originally from Fable or did you come by train? My father and I discovered Fable a long time ago, when I was little. I’m from the same world Mora is from. I should go back and see how the farm is doing. I bet it’s still just as peaceful as ever. With summer coming up is there going to be a swimsuit competition? Oh… uh… huh! You would kill it, dear. Thanks… Should you decide to participate, we would make an obscene amount of gold. Now that’s something we should ask Alex to run. Even if it doesn’t materialize, it would be satisfying watching him leap out of his fur in joy. I’m down. I’d lose for sure. I turn into a mop when wet. But it could be fun. Team Mop represent! It certainly would raise morale. Jill? … Prepare to be schooled. Oooooooh! Good idea, dear viewer. We’ll get on it. What’s the best breakfast you’ve prepared for anyone at the cafe? *growl!* Oh goodness… Looks like I missed my own breakfast. I don’t know if this is the best, objectively… but the biggest breakfast I ever served was to Jill. I had to open an hour earlier just to cook it. Ah yes. The Motherlode. It’s mostly on the menu as a gag. What… is it? Four eggs on top of a chicken fried steak, six sausage links stacked up like fallen trees… Three potatoes shredded into a hash and spread around the plate’s rim, four roasted cherry tomatoes on a small salad, four pieces of buttered toast or English muffins… And right in the center, twelve pancakes. A travesty. Typical diner parlor tricks meant to distract from their lack of skill. Good gravy… That’s a lot of pancakes. Stick to your Oreos, kids. Oh, you wanna start something? Sandy. Make it fourteen pancakes. Tomorrow morning. You’re on! It’s not a race, girls… Take it easy. Sandy. Let the market work itself out. If the customer wants to pay you a ridiculous amount of money to ruin their cardiovascular system… Let them. And then what do we do after they’re collapsed on the floor after eating 7,000 calories in one sitting? Sell them medicine, of course. Miko, how hard is it for you when summer comes around? How do you handle your winter coat shed? … Can I skip this question? Yeah, I mean, you can skip any of them. But why? Seems harmless. Because I can’t handle summer shedding. It’s a total nightmare. I brush out so much of myself I could make a second me! You could, like, weave sweaters out of how much fur I shed. Reeeeeally? Stay back! I can help you brush. You would? It would eat up a whole day. What are friends for? It’ll probably be faster with someone else. That’s so nice! But I won’t be able to pay you back! You don’t have any fur! Sandy, have you thought of doing belly dancing for a theme for your cafe? *giggle!* Hear that? My café. Hear that? Belly dancing. No! We wouldn’t even have to buy a new uniform! What a fantastic way to make use of existing resources. NO! Fine. *giggle* And what do I have to do to get a uniform that wouldn’t qualify for a bikini contest? Sorry. My café. And that is that! Whew! Now I know why we waited a year to do this again. It was nice knowing you, Miko. Huh? Why? I just agreed to an eating contest and then a summer bikini contest in that order. If I don’t have a heart attack right there at the table, I’m definitely having one up on stage. You are kind of impulsive. Think on the bright side, though. … What? Not all the letters were addressed to me this time! Oh my gosh, you’re right! Thanks a lot, everyone! We mean it! We love getting your questions. They show us that you care and want to know. Please keep them coming. You can ask us questions on our Patreon. Thanks for supporting Kemono Cafe! And have an awesome summer. Find your own little piece of paradise to sleep on. Life’s a beach! See ya later!