Emoticon Theater 3

This special update was made possible by our supporters on Patreon! Today’s question is from TerrificTwenty, one of the people who help make Kemono Cafe possible! The question is: “Jill, how did you become the resident logger or what made you want to be one?” Zzz… Um, Jill? Scckn…. Eh? JILL! AHH! What’s the big idea, desk jockey? A good nap is a terrible thing to waste. Desk jockey? I will have you know I’m fit as a fiddle! I even got perfect attendance in my pilates class last year! Can’t fault you for keeping your word, at least… Heh… Let’s get into it, shall we? So let’s see… What’ve we got here? Oh hey. They want to know more about me? Why…? Who sent you?! The patrons. We’ve been over this. This is how they get you, see? You answer one question online and suddenly you’re in a database somewhere, getting junk mail for life. The next time I get a letter addressed to “our neighbors at”, I’m gonna blow a gasket! I’m mostly surprised you know what a database is. You ever know the pain of getting a handwritten letter and finding out it’s car insurance? We don’t even have those here, you corporate vultures! Time for the sweet release of coffee… I’ll be right back. So your question… Frankly? Is there any other kind of life than the one you make for yourself? I say no. I think all those people in Fable are making a mistake. They’re not bad people, mind. But they are living half lives. But I can do whatever I want living like this. I can make my house bigger if I want more room. I can make my own furniture if I wanna fill that new house up! I even made my own axe in my own backyard! Which, I remind you, is acres and acres of woodland splendor! Hard work hardens the body and routine sharpens the mind. And, most importantly, living for yourself keeps the soul rich. I’m a logger because it’s the only honest work in Fable. I assure you, most people are honest. Jumping jelly beans! Don’t sneak up on me like that! I didn’t. I just don’t make a lot of noise when I walk. Dear reader. Thank you for taking the time to write us in. We take your contributions and attention very seriously. Sounds like one of them junk mail letters already… You looked like you needed a bit of professional help. You see, reader, the Forest of Imagination is a supernaturally verdant woodland. It grows at a rate such that, if left unchecked, Fable would not exist. We need Jill as much as she needs us, which is why we reached a compromise. Hmmph. I’m sorry. Was some part of that incorrect? I don’t need anyone. Oh, this again? I respect that you are fiercely independent. But no woman is an island, Jill. Been working out for me so far. I even fought off every beast the forest throws at me and don’t you forget that. You also wear our clothes and certainly like our pies. Civilization isn’t all bad. Which, dear reader, brings me to our compromise. Jill is our resident logger, ranger, and many other titles because she is the only one who can do those tasks for us. She keeps us safe and gives us what we need to build our houses. If we had to handle that ourselves, almost half the town would be dedicated to the effort and people would certainly get hurt. This is why Jill enjoys many of our town’s services for free. And I’ll never have to cut down my section of woods. Woe to the mayor who forgets that part of the deal. Which makes me wonder something, Jill. And what’s that? If you pity us for living the way we do, why work for Maxine? The café’s like any other home. I didn’t charge her- You know that’s not what I mean. Heh! How’d you hear about that? I hear a lot of things. Haven’t you seen these ears? Fine, I admit it. But I’m not really proud of it. Just because I’m doing well doesn’t mean I don’t want to put away something for a rainy day. No, that’s perfectly fine. Why are you not proud of it? … Because I can’t remember where I put it. Well! It’s a bad habit. I like to bury all the gold I get from Maxine out in the woods and make sure no one finds it. But then I get worried that someone saw me do it. So I gotta go back, dig it up, and bury it somewhere else… Terrible… because what guarantee is there that no one saw you do that? I know! It’s a nightmare… You could use the town bank. *shudder* A bridge too far, I see. And with latte in hand, I am restored. Thank you for the assist, Mayor Snow Puff. Quite welcome. Here’s hoping you find your buried treasure, Jill. Buried treasure? In Fable? Ms. Mayor! Do hold my coffee, will you? Of course. But why? Because Fable has found its resident miner! Off I go! Get off my property, you hippie! And there they go… Thank you very much for your support, patrons. And remember, no matter how much Jill insists, we’re all in this together.